This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.
We have used the following criteria to guide us:
- Changing the word order of a sentence
- Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and personification
- Using specific verbs and adjectives
- Using show, don’t tell techniques
- Using different sentence beginnings and lengths
Here are some examples of my writing this term.
Show Don’t Tell - Emotions
Happy: Colours of every hue raced by as the car raced through the packed streets of the city that never sleeps.The car swerves to a stop.We climb out and joyfully climb the into the elevator. The smile widened as the room rose to the top. A spring in my step as I walk to the viewing deck. Watching the fireworks explode as the new year began.
Sad: Her head hung low and her arms trailing likely behind her as she left the dark and moldy house she called home. Tears running down her face she ran toward the parked bus and clambered on red faced and sat down at the very back balling her eyes out. She got off the bus after three stops and walked past a house full of light and laughter. Sobbing, she fell face first to the concrete and tore the cuff damp jeans she was wearing whilst managing to catch herself by grabbing a nearby branch.
Mad: Loudly she slammed all the doors as she walked towards her brothers room.The door banged against the wall as she threw it aside and entered the small bedroom.where did you put my phone” she roared at her younger brother
angrily.What phone, I don't have a phone. He replied mischievously. Give me back my phone she yelled. No he said surprisingly calmly. Fine i'm telling mum with that she stormed out of his room and slammed the door shut behind him and locked it.
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Writing to Music
As I run through the forest I turn my head to see a dwarf's eyes peeking over the top of a nearby bush. Great I thought to myself I'm being followed again. Hurriedly I run into a dark and spooky cavern. Suddenly one of the cavern wall collapses revealing a brightly lit aircraft hanger. Quickly and quietly I jump down from the cavern ledge and land on the gleaming white floor of the spy base. Stealthily I run past the conference hall to see Dianna my one of my triplet sisters being briefed about some random and boring sounding mission.When I got to my room I activated the bugs we planted in the conference room yesterday so I could find out if there was any important information I needed to know about the upcoming mission.
“Dianna, please you have to believe me we will do everything we can to get her back.” Get who back I thought to myself. “If you don’t you get her back within the next hour I will have to tell Annabeth.What is going on because she can probably hear us if she wanted.” “Not possible this room is completely secure and soundproof.Now do as youre told and go stand by the tree entrence.” “Fine Eleion “ Yelled Dianna as she stormed out of the room crushing one of my bugs.
The Not So New New Boy
Nervously he entered the classroom everyone stared and whispered. The only reason people know him is because of the rumours spread by the popular students who don’t care who’s feelings they hurt. Excitedly the teacher calls him up to the front and introduces him to the class. “I’d like you to meet Timothée Enzo he is new to this school and I expect you all to show him a warm welcome.” Yeah right as if they would. They’re just going to call him newbie until another one comes along. I won't call him that at least but I guess that makes sense because that was me a mere few weeks ago. But he doesn't know that I know him, not yet at least. I wonder how long it will be before mum makes dad tell him about me. His sister.
Slowly the lonely weeks went on. No one made the connection between me Nadia Enzo and Timothée Enzo. Surprisingly no one has I don't know it’s obvious. Seeing him walking around the playground hands dropping heavily, blank expression on his face as if this is all he has ever known; being alone. I feel so bad for not telling him about us but mum made me swear not to. Quietly I pass the field I struggle trapped in my internal battle. I think I have to tell him because if I continue to hide from him he will realise soon enough and then he’ll be extremely annoyed that I didn’t tell him. The longer I continued my internal battle, the less likely it is that he will believe me. No I can’t tell him, mum told me why not.
I’m moving to our next school in a few days then he will know who I am because we've both been there before and the popular kids found out he was my brother, but I managed to keep them quiet. I said my goodbyes to no one, as usual.I am Leaving tomorrow morning and I won’t see Timothée for three days at least. It is no longer a matter of if Timothée finds out it is a matter of when Timothée finds out. Hopefuly he will understand when he finally realises the truth.
Viking Girl
She stormed down the hall slamming all the doors as she went, leaving chaos in her wake. “Mum!” She screamed as she entered the kitchen.” Everyone said they were out of candy then they gave the princess behind me all the candy they wanted but they told me they had none!” “Don’t you dare come home and talk to me like that! Especially after I worked so hard on that costume!” Yelled her mother. “Go to your room this instant” roaded her father.
“Fine!” She wailed. She ran to her room and tore off the blue and gold helmet and threw it out the window like it was the most horrible thing in the world. I know I will regret it later but for now I feel like a queen she thought knowingly.She entered the bathroom and washed off the expensive makeup as it was giving her a rash.
By Jasmine
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